This is the first chapters in my book, Rash Promises.
Promise Keeping
“I promise before God and these witnesses… as long as we both shall love.”
If I had ended my marriage vow with love rather than the traditional live, it might have limited my commitment. Then, if I ever decide to get a divorce, breaking my vow might make me less guilty before God. But I am trying to keep my vow. God is the judge of whether I am more than quarter-heartedly trying to keep my commitment.
A number of brides and grooms pledge “as long as we both shall live.” Rampant divorce these days suggests that a large proportion of married couples are breaking their vows. It would be better not to promise anything than to make a rash promise that is later broken.
Jerusalem
My wife and I got married in the garden of Christ Church in the Old City of Jerusalem. At that time, I was living in the Christian Quarter of the Old City. (On my first visit to Jerusalem, when the Old City was still under Jordanian control, I stayed in the Muslim Quarter just inside Herod’s Gate.) I also lived in East Jerusalem and West Jerusalem.
To tie living in Jerusalem to rash promises, I’ll connect one of the places where I lived to the history behind it. I lived for about half a year in Ein Karem, a suburb of Jerusalem. The house I lived in had been vacated by Arab Palestinians fleeing the advancing Jewish Palestinians during the 1948 war. With the establishment of the State of Israel, armies from surrounding countries attacked. Local Arabs were told to vacate their homes for a little while until the Jews were pushed into the sea. That was a rash promise.
In 1966, when I stayed in a room just inside Herod’s Gate, I was passing through Jordan on my way to England. I had wanted to go to Israel but didn’t have enough money. Those going through the Mandelbaum Gate between East and West Jerusalem got an Israeli stamp in their passports, but with an Israeli stamp, they couldn’t enter an Arab country. If I had gone to Israel, the cheapest way to exit would have been to sail to Cyprus and proceed from there.
So I hitchhiked through Jordan to Syria and then, after a side trip to Lebanon, to Turkey. I had to pay my way crossing the Bosporus from Asia to Europe. From the European part of Turkey, I hitchhiked through Bulgaria, Yugoslavia, Austria, Germany, and Belgium. Then I had to pay my way again to cross the Channel from the Continent to England.
Background
Although born in Canada, I had lived in England as a child. Thus, having arrived in England, I had travelled around the world. Others didn’t seem duly impressed with my accomplishment.
When I was visiting relatives, a cousin who was a curate in the Church of England took me to a Billy Graham crusade. At the end of his message, Billy Graham called for those to come forward who wanted to turn their lives over to Jesus. During the singing of Just As I Am, many left their seats and congregated in front of the platform. I wasn’t one of them. I wasn’t ready to make such a promise.
Before continuing with my testimony, I’ll relate my previous experience with reborners¾those who are “born again.” My reborn friends spoke Christianese. When giving me spiritual advice they used strange-sounding expressions, sometimes in antiquated English. To be born again, I needed to invite Jesus into my heart. They didn't appreciate my question, “Which ventricle¾left or right?”
They didn't answer many of my questions to my satisfaction¾questions such as “Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?” (It could be that they did. When God was baking them, that’s where he poked them to see if they were done.)
To me, the story of Adam and Eve seemed like a fairy tale. It might have meant to illustrate cavemen (or cavepersons) beginning to wear clothes. Probably they first wore clothes for warmth, but in tropical climates, it could have been for modesty.
On reading that Adam and Eve, ashamed of their nakedness, sewed fig leaves together to cover their private parts, I wondered what they used as needle and thread. Perhaps they inserted one leaf stem into another, like a daisy chain.
When my reborn friends witnessed to me, I wasn’t ready to make a commitment to Jesus, or to anyone. Avoiding commitments didn’t make me happier, however. In fact, I was depressed. I even considered ending it all.
“But I haven’t seen much of life!” I promised myself that I wouldn’t do anything drastic until I had travelled around the world. Then I would decide what to do with my life.
London
My cousin told me of a youth club in London with accommodation for the staff. I went there and told the warden of the clubhouse that my cousin had recommended the youth club. When telling the warden about my cousin, I may have mixed up the terms curate and bishop.
The warden invited me for lunch with his family and then asked me if I would like to earn my keep by working as a handyman around the clubhouse. Since I was low on funds, I gratefully accepted.
Besides janitorial duties, the job included a wide variety of things, such as stuffing envelopes with the clubhouse newsletter. Prayer requests in one newsletter included "Pray for Jim Southern, our new handyman."
The clubhouse was connected to the Church of England. I went to church and prayer meetings with other young people from the clubhouse and became more and more convinced of my need to be forgiven for my errant ways.
Then one night in prayer, alone in my room, I accepted the Lord. I rationalized that, even if there were other ways, Jesus was the only way for me. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life.” He went on to say, “No man cometh unto the Father, but by me." Is it possible, then, that women might make it by another route?
That night I made a rash promise. Feeling remorse because of having treated a young lady improperly, I promised the Lord to pray for her every day from then on. I haven't kept that promise.
The church that I was attending, and also where I ended up working as assistant verger, followed a liturgical order of service. When the proper time came, most of us would kneel to pray, repeating by rote the prayers in the prayer book.
The wording of the prayers was good, and praying those words was good if those praying meant what they were saying. If the prayers were so familiar that they could be repeated while thinking of something else, the prayers could be worse than useless. God doesn't like insincere confessions.
Scripture in the prayer book was in King James English. I had to admit I was wrong when judging my reborn friends for quoting Scripture in King James English. There seems to be divine power in those words, perhaps because of prayers over the centuries that those very words would convince people of their sinfulness and guide them in righteous living.
The year I spent at the church and clubhouse was a memorable year of my life. When I decided to return to Canada, the warden of the clubhouse, knowing my tendency to be critical, warned me, "If you ever find the perfect church, don't join it or you'll spoil it."
Bible School
Back in Canada, I decided to go to Bible school. The school I chose wasn't perfect, so I could join it without spoiling it.
While a student, I kept the school rules, more or less, such as not associating with the opposite sex unless under supervision. During summer vacations, the school couldn’t enforce that rule. However, they did make us pledge not to drink alcohol during our vacation. That was understandable. As students, we needed to uphold the school’s standards.
I should have anticipated what was coming. To graduate, we students had to sign a pledge to refrain from drinking alcohol for the rest of our lives. After years of studying, I wasn't about to forego graduation. God knows the extent of my guilt for having broken that promise.
Pointing out that Jesus drank wine didn't seem to make a difference in the school's policy. They wouldn’t have appreciated an alternate meaning for the WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) bracelet. It could mean “What Wine Jesus Drank.”
Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine, and he probably drank some himself. Later, he pointed out the inconsistency of the criticisms of the religious leaders of his time. They slurred John the Baptist for not feasting and drinking wine, but they also criticized Jesus because he feasted and drank wine, calling him gluttonous and a winebibber.
The administration of that Bible school also disapproved of students getting “drunk in the Spirit” and manifesting their condition by “speaking in tongues.” They dissuaded a charismatic classmate with whom I hung out from continuing his studies at the school. I didn't manifest such symptoms, but didn't think the condition was all that bad.
There may be a similarity between being under the influence of the Holy Spirit and being under the influence of alcohol. Perhaps it's the lack of inhibition. When Jesus' followers were celebrating Pentecost, and under the influence, some bystanders mockingly said, "These men are full of new wine."
Since that time, I have babbled a bit in private prayer. Could thinking of something else while babbling be similar to thinking of something else while saying prayers by rote?
We do need to think about what we think about. The apostle Paul advised the Philippians to think about things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy. This was when he was in prison in Rome. He was probably following his own recommendations, not dwelling on the injustice of his imprisonment.
When thinking of things that are true, it may be beneficial to study the exact meaning of scriptural words. At the Bible school that I attended, Greek was an elective course. A fellow student, when discussing the value of studying Greek, said that he wouldn't study it. He was having enough trouble obeying the English. (He did end up studying Greek after all.)
I took that Greek elective. Thus I could appear knowledgeable, saying that I knew a little Greek. At that time, it was koine Greek which I had some knowledge of. A decade later I could say that I also knew a little modern Greek. On my way to Israel, I ran out of money, so worked in Crete to earn enough to travel on. I learned a few expressions such as kalimera (good morning).
Also, living in Israel, I learned a little Hebrew, some of it in language school. I attended kitah aleph (grade one) three times, but only completed it the third time. My excuse for dropping out twice is that, as these were evening courses, I had difficulty keeping awake after a long day's work.
Backsliding
I have to admit that I've now forgotten most of the Hebrew and Greek that I learned. Worse than that, I've now forgotten most of the Bible verses in English that I had once memorized. At the Bible school, we memorized Scripture in King James English. Although quoting Scripture to unbelievers in antiquated English may put them off, it is necessary when evangelizing to know Scripture.
I have also forgotten the many promises I must have made during my four years of Bible school. Often, in daily chapel or in Sunday services or during conventions, a speaker would call upon us students to commit ourselves or recommit ourselves to the Lord. The fact that I don’t now remember exactly what those commitments entailed suggests that when I was standing up or putting my hand up in response to some appeal, I was making a rash promise.
I've remained a bit cynical. A preacher might say “Let's begin with a word of prayer.” I imagine him more accurately saying, “Let's continue with a word or two of prayer, or three or four or more.”
I’ve listened to sermons where the pastor, while preaching, actually cried¾with tears and affected voice. In my youth, I thought that crying while preaching was out of place. Although I now appreciate the sentiment that prompts tears, someone crying while speaking still makes me feel uncomfortable.
An extended call for a commitment also makes me feel uncomfortable. I seldom respond, as I'm having trouble keeping the commitments that I’ve already made.
During the extended call, the evangelist might ask for a show of hands of those who want to make a commitment. With every head bowed and every eye closed, he might say, “I see that hand! I see that hand!”
If I were calling for a commitment, I might instruct everyone to put their hands together, and those who want to make a commitment to clasp one of their fingers. Then I would say, “God sees that finger! God sees that finger!”
But I wouldn’t say that because of the connotation. I thought of this as a private way of making a commitment so as to foil those who like to count the number of people saved during a particular meeting.
On the other hand, letting others know about the decision keeps people accountable. And fellow believers can be supportive. What Evangelicals call follow-up helps keep new converts faithful to their commitment.
Despite my half-hearted commitment, the Lord has been watching over me, enabling me to travel extensively and keeping me safe in some harrowing circumstances. During my quest to learn firsthand about Christian sects, the Lord kept me from being permanently drawn into one. May I be yet more open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.
“I promise before God and these witnesses… as long as we both shall love.”
If I had ended my marriage vow with love rather than the traditional live, it might have limited my commitment. Then, if I ever decide to get a divorce, breaking my vow might make me less guilty before God. But I am trying to keep my vow. God is the judge of whether I am more than quarter-heartedly trying to keep my commitment.
A number of brides and grooms pledge “as long as we both shall live.” Rampant divorce these days suggests that a large proportion of married couples are breaking their vows. It would be better not to promise anything than to make a rash promise that is later broken.
Jerusalem
My wife and I got married in the garden of Christ Church in the Old City of Jerusalem. At that time, I was living in the Christian Quarter of the Old City. (On my first visit to Jerusalem, when the Old City was still under Jordanian control, I stayed in the Muslim Quarter just inside Herod’s Gate.) I also lived in East Jerusalem and West Jerusalem.
To tie living in Jerusalem to rash promises, I’ll connect one of the places where I lived to the history behind it. I lived for about half a year in Ein Karem, a suburb of Jerusalem. The house I lived in had been vacated by Arab Palestinians fleeing the advancing Jewish Palestinians during the 1948 war. With the establishment of the State of Israel, armies from surrounding countries attacked. Local Arabs were told to vacate their homes for a little while until the Jews were pushed into the sea. That was a rash promise.
In 1966, when I stayed in a room just inside Herod’s Gate, I was passing through Jordan on my way to England. I had wanted to go to Israel but didn’t have enough money. Those going through the Mandelbaum Gate between East and West Jerusalem got an Israeli stamp in their passports, but with an Israeli stamp, they couldn’t enter an Arab country. If I had gone to Israel, the cheapest way to exit would have been to sail to Cyprus and proceed from there.
So I hitchhiked through Jordan to Syria and then, after a side trip to Lebanon, to Turkey. I had to pay my way crossing the Bosporus from Asia to Europe. From the European part of Turkey, I hitchhiked through Bulgaria, Yugoslavia, Austria, Germany, and Belgium. Then I had to pay my way again to cross the Channel from the Continent to England.
Background
Although born in Canada, I had lived in England as a child. Thus, having arrived in England, I had travelled around the world. Others didn’t seem duly impressed with my accomplishment.
When I was visiting relatives, a cousin who was a curate in the Church of England took me to a Billy Graham crusade. At the end of his message, Billy Graham called for those to come forward who wanted to turn their lives over to Jesus. During the singing of Just As I Am, many left their seats and congregated in front of the platform. I wasn’t one of them. I wasn’t ready to make such a promise.
Before continuing with my testimony, I’ll relate my previous experience with reborners¾those who are “born again.” My reborn friends spoke Christianese. When giving me spiritual advice they used strange-sounding expressions, sometimes in antiquated English. To be born again, I needed to invite Jesus into my heart. They didn't appreciate my question, “Which ventricle¾left or right?”
They didn't answer many of my questions to my satisfaction¾questions such as “Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?” (It could be that they did. When God was baking them, that’s where he poked them to see if they were done.)
To me, the story of Adam and Eve seemed like a fairy tale. It might have meant to illustrate cavemen (or cavepersons) beginning to wear clothes. Probably they first wore clothes for warmth, but in tropical climates, it could have been for modesty.
On reading that Adam and Eve, ashamed of their nakedness, sewed fig leaves together to cover their private parts, I wondered what they used as needle and thread. Perhaps they inserted one leaf stem into another, like a daisy chain.
When my reborn friends witnessed to me, I wasn’t ready to make a commitment to Jesus, or to anyone. Avoiding commitments didn’t make me happier, however. In fact, I was depressed. I even considered ending it all.
“But I haven’t seen much of life!” I promised myself that I wouldn’t do anything drastic until I had travelled around the world. Then I would decide what to do with my life.
London
My cousin told me of a youth club in London with accommodation for the staff. I went there and told the warden of the clubhouse that my cousin had recommended the youth club. When telling the warden about my cousin, I may have mixed up the terms curate and bishop.
The warden invited me for lunch with his family and then asked me if I would like to earn my keep by working as a handyman around the clubhouse. Since I was low on funds, I gratefully accepted.
Besides janitorial duties, the job included a wide variety of things, such as stuffing envelopes with the clubhouse newsletter. Prayer requests in one newsletter included "Pray for Jim Southern, our new handyman."
The clubhouse was connected to the Church of England. I went to church and prayer meetings with other young people from the clubhouse and became more and more convinced of my need to be forgiven for my errant ways.
Then one night in prayer, alone in my room, I accepted the Lord. I rationalized that, even if there were other ways, Jesus was the only way for me. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life.” He went on to say, “No man cometh unto the Father, but by me." Is it possible, then, that women might make it by another route?
That night I made a rash promise. Feeling remorse because of having treated a young lady improperly, I promised the Lord to pray for her every day from then on. I haven't kept that promise.
The church that I was attending, and also where I ended up working as assistant verger, followed a liturgical order of service. When the proper time came, most of us would kneel to pray, repeating by rote the prayers in the prayer book.
The wording of the prayers was good, and praying those words was good if those praying meant what they were saying. If the prayers were so familiar that they could be repeated while thinking of something else, the prayers could be worse than useless. God doesn't like insincere confessions.
Scripture in the prayer book was in King James English. I had to admit I was wrong when judging my reborn friends for quoting Scripture in King James English. There seems to be divine power in those words, perhaps because of prayers over the centuries that those very words would convince people of their sinfulness and guide them in righteous living.
The year I spent at the church and clubhouse was a memorable year of my life. When I decided to return to Canada, the warden of the clubhouse, knowing my tendency to be critical, warned me, "If you ever find the perfect church, don't join it or you'll spoil it."
Bible School
Back in Canada, I decided to go to Bible school. The school I chose wasn't perfect, so I could join it without spoiling it.
While a student, I kept the school rules, more or less, such as not associating with the opposite sex unless under supervision. During summer vacations, the school couldn’t enforce that rule. However, they did make us pledge not to drink alcohol during our vacation. That was understandable. As students, we needed to uphold the school’s standards.
I should have anticipated what was coming. To graduate, we students had to sign a pledge to refrain from drinking alcohol for the rest of our lives. After years of studying, I wasn't about to forego graduation. God knows the extent of my guilt for having broken that promise.
Pointing out that Jesus drank wine didn't seem to make a difference in the school's policy. They wouldn’t have appreciated an alternate meaning for the WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) bracelet. It could mean “What Wine Jesus Drank.”
Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine, and he probably drank some himself. Later, he pointed out the inconsistency of the criticisms of the religious leaders of his time. They slurred John the Baptist for not feasting and drinking wine, but they also criticized Jesus because he feasted and drank wine, calling him gluttonous and a winebibber.
The administration of that Bible school also disapproved of students getting “drunk in the Spirit” and manifesting their condition by “speaking in tongues.” They dissuaded a charismatic classmate with whom I hung out from continuing his studies at the school. I didn't manifest such symptoms, but didn't think the condition was all that bad.
There may be a similarity between being under the influence of the Holy Spirit and being under the influence of alcohol. Perhaps it's the lack of inhibition. When Jesus' followers were celebrating Pentecost, and under the influence, some bystanders mockingly said, "These men are full of new wine."
Since that time, I have babbled a bit in private prayer. Could thinking of something else while babbling be similar to thinking of something else while saying prayers by rote?
We do need to think about what we think about. The apostle Paul advised the Philippians to think about things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy. This was when he was in prison in Rome. He was probably following his own recommendations, not dwelling on the injustice of his imprisonment.
When thinking of things that are true, it may be beneficial to study the exact meaning of scriptural words. At the Bible school that I attended, Greek was an elective course. A fellow student, when discussing the value of studying Greek, said that he wouldn't study it. He was having enough trouble obeying the English. (He did end up studying Greek after all.)
I took that Greek elective. Thus I could appear knowledgeable, saying that I knew a little Greek. At that time, it was koine Greek which I had some knowledge of. A decade later I could say that I also knew a little modern Greek. On my way to Israel, I ran out of money, so worked in Crete to earn enough to travel on. I learned a few expressions such as kalimera (good morning).
Also, living in Israel, I learned a little Hebrew, some of it in language school. I attended kitah aleph (grade one) three times, but only completed it the third time. My excuse for dropping out twice is that, as these were evening courses, I had difficulty keeping awake after a long day's work.
Backsliding
I have to admit that I've now forgotten most of the Hebrew and Greek that I learned. Worse than that, I've now forgotten most of the Bible verses in English that I had once memorized. At the Bible school, we memorized Scripture in King James English. Although quoting Scripture to unbelievers in antiquated English may put them off, it is necessary when evangelizing to know Scripture.
I have also forgotten the many promises I must have made during my four years of Bible school. Often, in daily chapel or in Sunday services or during conventions, a speaker would call upon us students to commit ourselves or recommit ourselves to the Lord. The fact that I don’t now remember exactly what those commitments entailed suggests that when I was standing up or putting my hand up in response to some appeal, I was making a rash promise.
I've remained a bit cynical. A preacher might say “Let's begin with a word of prayer.” I imagine him more accurately saying, “Let's continue with a word or two of prayer, or three or four or more.”
I’ve listened to sermons where the pastor, while preaching, actually cried¾with tears and affected voice. In my youth, I thought that crying while preaching was out of place. Although I now appreciate the sentiment that prompts tears, someone crying while speaking still makes me feel uncomfortable.
An extended call for a commitment also makes me feel uncomfortable. I seldom respond, as I'm having trouble keeping the commitments that I’ve already made.
During the extended call, the evangelist might ask for a show of hands of those who want to make a commitment. With every head bowed and every eye closed, he might say, “I see that hand! I see that hand!”
If I were calling for a commitment, I might instruct everyone to put their hands together, and those who want to make a commitment to clasp one of their fingers. Then I would say, “God sees that finger! God sees that finger!”
But I wouldn’t say that because of the connotation. I thought of this as a private way of making a commitment so as to foil those who like to count the number of people saved during a particular meeting.
On the other hand, letting others know about the decision keeps people accountable. And fellow believers can be supportive. What Evangelicals call follow-up helps keep new converts faithful to their commitment.
Despite my half-hearted commitment, the Lord has been watching over me, enabling me to travel extensively and keeping me safe in some harrowing circumstances. During my quest to learn firsthand about Christian sects, the Lord kept me from being permanently drawn into one. May I be yet more open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.